My Boyfriend Takes a “Break” from Our Relationship Every Year. What Does That Even Mean Anymore?

Being in a long-term relationship can feel like riding a rollercoaster—thrilling highs, unexpected drops. For one Reddit user, that rollercoaster takes a predictable dive every spring. For five years, she’s been with her boyfriend, a guy she calls her best friend and partner in every sense. They laugh together, support each other’s individual hobbies, and even managed to survive long-distance when she went off to grad school. By most standards, they sound like a couple with real staying power.

But there’s a catch—every year, like clockwork, her boyfriend pulls the same move. Around March or April, he starts to question the relationship. He asks for space. He says he doesn’t know what he wants. And every year, he comes back a few months later, full of regret, asking for a second chance. She’s taken him back each time. But this year feels different. She’s tired. She’s confused. And she’s finally asking the real question: should she keep giving him another chance?

Breakups are extremely painful and usually only happen when people feel they aren’t able to work through their relationship troubles

The poster shared that she and her boyfriend had been together for five years and that their relationship was wonderful most of the time

Let’s talk about it. Like, really talk. Because if your boyfriend is asking for a “break” like it’s a seasonal flu shot—every single year—you’re not just in a relationship. You’re stuck in a cycle.

🧠 The Psychology Behind “Breaks” in a Relationship

Okay, first off—taking a break isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes couples need a pause to reset, especially during long-distance or high-stress periods. But when someone keeps asking for a break year after year, it’s not just a one-off. It’s a pattern.

Experts in relationship psychology say that commitment phobia or fear of long-term commitment can be behind this. And guess what? That lines up exactly with what you’re describing. Your boyfriend has told you multiple times that he’s afraid of commitment. That’s a big keyword right there: fear of commitment.

But here’s where it gets tricky. Commitment-phobic partners don’t always want to leave. They usually love their partner deeply. But the idea of being “trapped” in a future they’re not ready for (even if they don’t know what that future looks like) sends them into fight-or-flight mode.

And guess what time of year usually gets people thinking hard about their lives? Spring. You’re closing in on midterms, graduations, career changes. It’s a natural moment of reflection. Psychologists even call it the “Spring Self-Evaluation Effect.” People look at where they’re at in life and ask, “Is this where I wanna be?”

So yeah… March hits. He freaks out. He doesn’t know what he wants. He hits pause. You’re left spiraling. Again.

💔 Repeated Breakups Can Lead to Relationship Trauma

There’s a little thing called relationship instability, and it’s one of the biggest predictors of emotional burnout. Even if 90% of your relationship is great, that remaining 10%—the breaks, the confusion, the not-knowing—can do real damage over time.

And research backs this up. Studies from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships have shown that on-again, off-again relationships often come with:

• Higher levels of anxiety
• Lower relationship satisfaction
• Increased likelihood of breaking up for good
• Poorer communication habits
• More emotional exhaustion

It’s basically emotional whiplash. One day he loves you, the next he’s unsure. That back-and-forth might be okay once, maybe even twice. But every year? That’s not just uncertainty. That’s a cycle of emotional damage.

🔄 Should You Take Him Back Again?

Here’s the thing. Only you can answer that. But let’s talk pros and cons.

Taking Him Back—Pros:

• You know and love each other deeply
• You’ve successfully rebuilt things before
• He might finally be ready (people can grow)

Taking Him Back—Cons:

• The cycle could continue (again)
• You’re emotionally drained every time
• You deserve consistency, not confusion

There’s also a concept called “relationship sunk cost fallacy”. It’s when you stay with someone not because it’s working, but because you’ve already put in so much time and energy. Five years is a long time. But you can’t let the years you’ve spent together justify years of emotional limbo ahead.

And let’s be real—if he loved you but didn’t know what he wanted, why does that happen like clockwork every single year?

Maybe it’s not about you at all. Maybe it’s his own internal panic cycle. But that doesn’t mean you have to keep absorbing the fallout.

🧭 What You Can Do Moving Forward

Here’s some honest next steps that might help you get clarity:

1. Set Clear Boundaries. If he comes back again, talk about what you will and won’t tolerate. Be direct.
2. Ask Him to Go to Therapy. For real. If this is a commitment thing, he needs to do the work.
3. Don’t Put Your Life on Hold. You’re in grad school. You’re building your future. He needs to meet you where you are.
4. Write it Out. Journal how each break has made you feel. Seeing it in writing helps with clarity.
5. Talk to a Therapist. Not because you have a problem, but because this emotional ping-pong can seriously mess with your mental health.

Folks were shocked by the man’s actions and urged the woman not to put up with his behavior anymore

Sometimes people who love us still hurt us. Not because they want to, but because they’re not ready to love us the right way. That doesn’t mean they’re bad people. It just means they’re not your person right now.

Love shouldn’t feel like a seasonal lease agreement. If he keeps returning every spring with the same confusion, you might need to finally choose you—not the version of him that might get it right next time.