Flying Cross-Country for My Brother’s Wedding, Now They Want Me to Be the Photographer—AITA?
This post highlights the emotional (and logistical) overload of wedding season—especially when boundaries blur between guest and unpaid staff. The OP, a 27-year-old law student, explains how she’s making serious sacrifices to attend her brother’s wedding on December 13th. Not only is it across the country, but it’s also right in the middle of her finals. She juggled exams, rearranged her schedule, and spent hard-earned money just to be there.
Her brother and sister-in-law (SIL) already had a courthouse wedding the previous year, so this upcoming celebration was framed as more of a “casual party” than a traditional event. OP tried for months to get clear info about dress codes or expectations—only to be told, “don’t worry, it’s chill.” But just weeks before the event, things escalated.
First came the passive-aggressive “oh well” text about a missed rehearsal dinner—scheduled without consulting OP. Then came the real kicker: the bride asked OP to photograph the entire wedding using her professional-grade camera… despite OP being a law student with zero photography experience. From getting-ready shots to portraits, ceremony to reception—the whole nine yards, unpaid, at the only family event OP would get to attend all year.
Now OP’s wondering: Is she wrong for being upset? Or is her reaction justified?
You imagine sitting and being handed a glass of champagne at your brother’s wedding, and not a camera and responsibility you never signed up for
The author rearranged her finals and paid for expensive cross-country flights to attend her brother’s December wedding after being told it would be a low-key “party”
This story hits so many pressure points that young adults, students, and out-of-town family members can relate to. Let’s dig into the big-picture dynamics: financial stress, emotional labor, guilt-driven family obligations, and the increasingly blurred lines between being a guest and being “useful.”
Weddings Are Not Free Labor Opportunities
Here’s the thing: attending a wedding is not an audition to work it. Asking someone to take professional-level wedding photos is a massive responsibility, not a casual favor. Especially when:
- You’re not a photographer.
- You’re not part of the wedding party.
- You’re already sacrificing to attend.
- You didn’t even get a chance to prepare (or practice).
- You were never told there’d be any kind of work involved.
This isn’t asking a cousin to hold a phone and snap a few pics during cocktail hour. This is expecting full event coverage. That’s a job. A paid one.
High CPC keywords like wedding photography expectations, unpaid labor in family events, and wedding guest boundaries are trending for a reason: too many brides and grooms expect guests to “help out” without acknowledging the burden that help creates.
You’re a Guest, Not the Staff
You flew across the country. In the middle of law school finals. While broke. You even gave up going home for winter break. That already shows massive commitment to your family. And now they want you to not even be in the pictures because you’re busy taking them?
That’s not just inconsiderate—it’s borderline disrespectful.
If your SIL wants beautiful, meaningful images of her wedding, she should either:
- Hire a photographer, even if it’s someone newer/affordable for a few hours.
- Accept candid smartphone pics from guests.
- Use a photo booth or disposable camera setup.
Not rope her brother’s sister into a high-pressure gig she never signed up for.
Emotional Labor and “Family Favors” Have Limits
What’s really frustrating here is the casual way your SIL sprang it on you. No heads-up. No acknowledgment of your time. No consideration for your stress levels, finances, or desire to simply enjoy your brother’s wedding.
Worse? She minimized the whole event by calling it “just a party” for months—only to suddenly treat it like a full-blown wedding production when she realized she didn’t want to pay for a pro.
This is classic last-minute emotional outsourcing. You’re being asked to hold emotional, logistical, and creative weight for someone else’s dream day—while being treated like it shouldn’t be a big deal.
You’re Not Wrong—But Here’s How to Say It Without Burn Bridges
So, are you the ahole for not wanting to do it? No. Absolutely not. But the key now is how you say it—because you’ll be around family, and it’s a high-emotion event.
Here’s a sample of how you could respond:
“Hey [SIL], I love that you trust me enough to ask, but I have to be honest—I really don’t feel comfortable taking on that kind of responsibility at the wedding. I’m not a photographer, and I’d hate to mess anything up. I’m also juggling finals and flying across the country, so I’d really just like to be there as a guest and celebrate with you guys. I hope you understand!”
It’s polite, clear, and honest. You’re not accusing her of anything—but you’re asserting a boundary.
You Deserve to Be in the Photos, Too
One of the most overlooked emotional layers here? If you’re behind the camera, you don’t get to be in the memories. No sibling shots. No candids with your nephew. No smiling, champagne-in-hand moments to look back on.
Just stress. And pressure. For zero pay.
That’s not a memory you owe anyone.
Netizens insisted that the issue shouldn’t even be handled solely with the sister-in-law, and urged the author to talk directly to her brother
You’re not being selfish. You’re being realistic. You’ve already sacrificed a lot to be there. Wanting to show up, be present, and enjoy the wedding with your brother and family isn’t rude—it’s normal.
So no, you’re not the a**hole. You’re just a law student trying to protect your time, energy, and peace of mind from a wedding that’s suddenly way more demanding than you signed up for.
